Kick in the Ass

There are two things I find impossible to do – write and have conversations on the phone. So while I can debate, make my point, fight, talk and keep on talking, I find it nigh impossible to sit down and write or sit down and have a phone conversation.

My attempts to talk on the phone are so bad that they go beyond “so bad they’re hilarious” to so bad that even gitmo won’t subject its detainees to them on humanitarian grounds. After 10 minutes of hmmmming and hawing, and basically saying zilch and 10 seconds after zoning out when the person at the other end tries to speak, I cut the call and pretend that the signal died ( Hullooo, Hello, Heyyyyyy…… beep).

I can’t write, I think this point is best illustrated by ……………………

After years of introspection (I never obsess) and discussing (what me whine?) it with various people, I realized that I have no patience and that I need instant gratification.

No patience to sit down and write, no patience to sit down and listen to what the person on the other end of the line is trying to say. Instant gratification in that I need to see my appreciative audiences face as they realize the ultimate truth of what I’m saying and are suddenly forced to question a lifetime of false beliefs (or at the very least a chance to see my victims squirm).

When I try to write or talk on the phone these two very critical elements are missing, and without them I’m lost, eloquent arguments practiced on various people refuse to put themselves down as words on the screen, refuse to travel over phone lines or whatever waves.

This blog is my new years resolution (the first in 20 years) it’s the kick in the ass that’s been coming my way for a long time now. In this blog I’m going to learn to write and learn to listen.