How to.........

Does anyone else feel the need to be witty, sarcastic and self deprecating while blogging? I do, most blogs which are successful have a certain flowing, natural level snark. Without which your blog is apparently doomed to some sort of virtual limbo (is a blog a blog, if no one reads it?).

And it’s not just blogs, this need to be witty is seeping down into our day to day lives, sundry conversations you might have with your dhobi also need to be funny, worthy of repeating for the hearing pleasure of the world at large, blog worthy in fact. The pressure to be witty and acerbic is on! How do you deal with it? If you’re anything like me, you can only think of something witty or biting long after the moment has passed, yet I am considered scary for the things I might say, allow me to let you in on my little secret.

It’s a look, you need to develop a look which combines pain, loathing and sympathy for the vermin (who should be) squirming before you, bite your lip, like you’re trying hard to control what you want to say (though you don’t know the exact words yet), sadly shake your head and turn away, It’s (will be) too horrible, too acerbic, too true! If you say what you want to say (when you actually figure it out) the poor person it’s directed at might not recover, with a heroic sigh refuse to say what you want to say. It works! Your reputation for witty verbal dexterity and scariness will shoot up. This isn’t enough of course, you need to back the look with actual lines or you might end up receiving more constipation medication than you have enemies to poison them with. This is done in two ways the first is rather simple, Hours later when you have thought of something appropriate. Refine it! Work on it, and then try and drop it into conversation casually, “I kept thinking that his head looked like a turnip..... but you know, I couldn’t say it.......anyway as I was saying to my dhobi the other day...”. The second is simpler, when you actually think of something witty on the spot, say it! (Everyone is given a break from their nobler impulses once in a while......)

Now if someone would please share their secret to bitchy blogging with me ...............